1. You have a deadly laser,
and a Green Gargantuan and a Brown Gargantuan are coming. Which do you shoot?
(You can't shoot both.)
2. Rodan, Godzilla, and Monster Zero attack each other,
and in the process, roll over a 200 foot cliff. Are they dead?
3. Does the
Japanese Army ever stop a monster when it is on the rampage?
4. If an alien was
trying to spacenap ten of your friends to help save his planet, what should you
do? A. Try to steal the key to his flying saucer. B. Promise him you will
organize a party of volunteers to go back with him next year. C. Shoot him with
a gun.
5. In the original Godzilla, how was he killed? A. He was frozen to death
by fire extinguishers. B. The water in which he was swimming was deoxygenated.
C. People threw chunks of sodium at him and he exploded into flame.
6. You
inherit a chateau. Who should you hire for servants, keeping in mind proper
etiquette? A. Vampires. B. Monsters. C. Dwarves. D. Ghosts.
7. Which of the
following would be a proper name for dwarves? A. Igor B. Olaf C. Fred D. Wayne
8. Your wife's face is hopelessly scarred. What should you do? A. Hire a plastic
surgeon. B. Buy her a mask. C. Do away with the old bag. D. Kidnap a young girl
and attempt a face transplant.
9. You're flying your saucer. All of a sudden,
the computer goes crazy and on the screen flash too many red dots. What can you
do? A. Nothing. When you get too many red dots, you've had it. B. Bail out and
use your parachute. C. Switch on the Red Dot Neutralizer. D. Call the TV
repairman.
10. What group of three things is Dracula deathly afraid of? A.
Vampires, coffins, and limping servants. B. Fingers, Feces, and Flies. C.
Garlic, daylight, and the cross. D. Freeways, dogs, and high places.
11. Which
of the following are not groups of monsters? A. Manda, Rodan, Mothra. B. Spigon,
Godzilla, Reptilicus. C. Son of Godzilla, Trog, Gargantua. D. Gardol, Zappa,
Spartacus.
12. What does 'Trog' stand for? A. Liberty and justice for all. B.
Terrifyingly Repulsive Ogre-Giant. C. Troglodyte. D. G-R-O-T! (the sound he
makes) spelled backwards.
13. You are a scientist and you decide to go through
with a delicate but incredible two-headed transplant. Why? A. Science. B. It's a
lot more interesting than dissecting frogs. C. You've got to make your
contribution to the world and transplanting heads is your idea of philanthropy.
14. A yellow gas has been leaking into the base in Monsterland. What should you
do in the future to prevent such occurrences? A. Cut the beans from Godzilla's
diet. B. Install electric force fields. C. Destroy all monsters. D. None of the
above.
15. You live in a prehistoric village and a gigantic 70-foot tidal wave
is bearing down on you. What should you do? A. Run like hell, shouting things
like, "Sana nee-krow!! Tsnami akeenta zahk!" B. Sacrifice all the blond virgins
in the tribe. C. Send for the girl with the trained dinosaur. D. Grab your
"elephant gun" surfboard and paddle like hell to get Outside. E. Present your
"E" ticket, climb aboard a raft, and fasten your seaweed belt.
16. You are a TV
cameraman awaiting the appearance of Trog. He comes out of his cave heaving
gigantic boulders, and heads straight for you. What do you do? A. Move in closer
so he can belt you one good. B. Move to the left to get a profile shot. C. Run
back to the truck and get your autograph book.
17. A delirious Japanese
fisherman has just reported being attacked by a Gargantuan. What should you do?
A. Phone Monsterland and see if any monsters have checked out earlier in the
week. B. Send for a Gargantuan expert. C. Put out an All Points Bulletin and
alert the Japanese Army. D. Call a news conference.
18. A young college student
named Frankenstein has been acting strange lately. He refuses to take off his
shirt. Why? A. He's from New Jersey and is ashamed of his lack of a suntan. B.
He is a Jehovah's Witness. C. He's afraid his seams will show. D. He's got an
obscene tatoo on his chest.
19. What is a solarium? A. A place where poisonous
plants are cultured and mad surgeons chase half-dressed girls. B. A planetarium
in Monsterland from which the motions of the sun are carefully observed. C. A
cheap excuse for a brothel. D. An Institute of France run by the Department of
Culture.
20. What is the best way to keep your dwarves in line? A. Reason with
them. B. Feed them little, and kick them a lot. C. Allow them a little leeway in
trivial matters such as the dress code, but hold firm when it comes to the
crucial issues such as minimum wage, fringe benefits, and collective bargaining.
ANSWERS: Presnted as a public service by the National Association of Monster
Movie Clubs, Orange County Division, 1971 1. The Green Gargantuan 2. No....too
tough! 3. No. Never! 4. B 5. B 6. C 7. A and B 8. D 9. A 10. C 11. D 12. C 13. A
14. D 15. E 16. A 17. B 18. C 19. A 20. B SCORING: 20-18: Godzilla (super
fringie) 17-15: Reptilicus 14-12: King Kong 11-9: Gargantua 8-6: Trog 5-3:
Two-Headed Transplant 2-1: Gardol 0: (obviously a Shakesperean)
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